Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Last Night's Spam

Some of the directed spam I get is so moronic, it angers me. This was sent from a @verizon.com account.

Dear The Grey Lodge Pub

"Dear The Grey Lodge Pub", so personal. I feel warm and fuzzy already.

Customers are the life blood of every business... what are you doing to develop and maintain an effective and profitable relationship with each and every one of them?

What am I doing? Facebook, Twitter, daily blog updates, monthly emails. Some idiot from Groupon asked via spamming phone call if I marketed my business. I went off on her. How effing insulting. Do I market my business? Eff you, look at our effing Website and then ask me that question. How about I call you and ask you idiotic questions? Anywho back to iZigg.

We are iZigg, the most powerful brand in Mobile Marketing.

So powerful they don't even have to use @izigg.com for their emails.

We own the most popular short code in the business, 90210.

Yes, a TV show from 20 years ago. So relevant and powerful.

At iZigg, we are showing businesses like yours how to use our service to generate a return on their advertising investment of as much as 2,200% and more... simply by employing a strategy that employs a tool that is used by almost 300 Million people in the USA every day.

As much as 2.200% and more. As much as that and more!

Many refer to it as “a text.” We call it “Instant Personal Communication.”

Many refer it as a "turd". We call it "Personal Smelly Mud".

Give it a try to see how it works…

Text - KillerBBQ to 90210 on your cell phone.

Do it now! Actually I would advise you not to, there's a catch.

When you sent the text “KillerBBQ” to 90210, 2 things happened.

1) You got an automated response that we created in our “Mobile Auto-Responder.”

2) We added your cell phone number to our KillerBBQ VIP List.

What?!?!? I just opted into your farking list? You didn't warn me that was going to happen.

At this point, we can now communicate to you and every other customer on our “KillerBBQ List” with special offers and deals via “Instant Personal Communication.”

Oh look Dylan just sent me an "Instant Personal Communication"! I wonder what he and Kelly are up to. No wait, it's just spam.

Just think, you can literally keep in contact with every customer who opted in to your own keyword at 90210. This is the most effective business generation and customer retention tool available today.

The most profitable business is repeat business. It is said that even a 5% increase in customer retention can increase business profits by 25% to 125%! With iZigg Mobile Marketing, you have the power to maintain a relationship with every one of your customers at the push of a button.

If close personal and profitable relationships with your customers is something you want in your business,

Just think, you can literally spam your best customers' cell phones and have them pay for it.

They have a word for those sorts of relationships: "abusive". And nothing says "personal" like mass texting,,, oops sorry, mass instant personal communicating.

I invite you to watch this short, 10 minute video that will reveal this method in detail and change the way you market to your customers forever.

No thanks.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Why Do So Many Paul McCartney Solo Songs Suck?

I was out somewhere last weekend and Paul McCartney's Jet came on the in background. Click below to refamiliarize yourself, if you dare.

This song quite sucks. Not the over the top WTF suck of Wonderful Christmastime, but sucky none the less. ("WTF suck" - I like that). The song even starts off sucky. "Jet, woo hoo woo woo JET!" - woo that's deep.

And then we get "And Jet, I thought the major was a lady suffragette!", which comes out as was a lady sufferaJETTT!!!! It wouldn't be so bad, but that line appears four times in the song, so just when you forget how damn annoying and insipid it is, it comes back to remind you, and then remind two more times.

The song Jet does have some good qualities, the music and background vocals are really quite good. So it's a mixed bag, which is pretty much the story of McCartney's solo work. For every great song, there is a stinker, often even in the same song. Which annoys me because being a big Beatles fan, I want to be a Paul McCartney solo fan, but I can't because so much of it sucks.

To end up on a positive note, here's a Paul McCartney solo song that is pure gold. I love the trumpets on it. I could listen to this song over and over for hours. With the exception of the somewhat forced title track, Tug of War is a McCartney album with no clunkers. The clunker being Ebony and Ivory, a song that seems good but doesn't hold up to repeated listenings, or maybe even the second listening.

Anyway to end up on a positive note, hit stop on Jet*, if you haven't already, and play Wanderlust.

A little bit of trivia, Wanderlust was the boat on which Paul recorded the album London Town, and on which there was one of Paul's many high profile marijuana busts. Captain says they'll be a bust.

Maybe this gives us a clue, could it be the reefers that make Paul write so many sucky songs? I'd argue that it could be the opposite, that maybe Paul isn't smoking enough. The Beatles, it is told, smoked pot like crazy while recording Rubber Soul, the CD (and English LP) version of which is my favorite Beatles album. Maybe Paul should write and record all future albums in Amsterdam.

* If you were like me, you stopped Jet at the second lady sufferaJET.